How to Know If You’re in Love: 13 Clear Signs That Leave No Doubt

Back when I was younger, if someone had asked me, “How do you know if you’re in love?” I probably would’ve just shrugged and said, “You just know.”

But life—and my work as a psychologist—has shown me it’s not always that simple. Through plenty of trial and error (mostly error), I’ve learned that what feels like love at first isn’t always the real thing.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re feeling is a genuine emotional connection or just a passing rush, you’re not alone. That’s why I put together 13 signs that can help you tell if what you’ve found is the real deal. 

Love, Lust, and Infatuation: What’s the Difference?

Before we get into the signs of being in love, let’s clear up three words that often get tangled together: love, lust, and infatuation.

• Lust is all about physical attraction. It’s that magnetic pull, the chemistry that makes your heart race and your body want to be close.
• Infatuation goes a step further—it’s the butterflies, the obsession, the late-night daydreams where you can’t stop thinking about the person. It often dominates the initial stages of a romance.
• Love is different. It’s steadier, deeper, and usually shows up with time. It’s when the fireworks settle into something calmer but more lasting—where care, trust, and an emotional connection matter more than the thrill.

When we’re young, emerging adults, it’s easy to mistake puppy love or infatuation for the real thing. As we grow, though, love begins to look less like a movie scene and more like everyday choices—the kind that build closeness and safety over time.

Psychologists sometimes call this the "proximate and ultimate perspective." The proximate side explains the immediate rush and infatuation that fuels the early stages of romance. The ultimate perspective looks at the bigger picture: the commitment, compatibility, and long-term bond that turn passion into a lasting relationship.

That’s the perspective we’ll focus on here: not just sparks, but the signs of genuine love.

How to Know if You’re in Love: 13 Definite Signs of Real Love

If you’ve ever wondered why falling in love feels like a mix of euphoria, obsession, and stress, the answer lies in your brain chemistry. Dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, and cortisol, FSH, testosterone, and oxytocin combine to create a powerful rush—one that can make it hard to tell if you’re experiencing true love or just the early haze of attraction. 

Do keep in mind, though, real love isn’t one-sided or fleeting. It’s mutual, healthy, and grounded in a connection that grows over time. Here are 13 signs to help you tell if you are falling in love.

1. Calmness Shows Up Alongside the Lust

While infatuation cranks up arousal, true love usually makes you feel calm.

If you’re in a truly loving relationship, your partner brings emotional safety instead of chaos. The mix of attraction and steadiness is a good sign that this isn’t just infatuation—it’s something deeper that can move you forward together.

You’re on the couch watching a show. There’s chemistry in the air, but also a quiet sense that you don’t have to perform. Your partner’s presence itself steadies your mind.

2. The Mundane Things Matter More Than the Magnificent Ones

A sure sign of being in love is when grocery shopping or a shared commute holds more emotional weight than a single grand gesture.

Intimacy is scaffolded through the emotionally safe, routine moments. Those tiny acts of attachment, known as “micro-investments,” are crucial to relationship maintenance.

You enjoy your rom-com Sunday routine of doing laundry together and laughing over lost socks. These moments tend to mean more than the fancy restaurant date that once seemed like the highlight of romance.

3. Your Romantic Partner’s Well-being Subtly Impacts Your Choices

True love shows in practical priorities—how you plan, whether you check in when needed, and how you anticipate your partner’s needs.

When you naturally integrate your partner’s well-being into your decision-making (with healthy boundaries, of course), this signals you’re genuinely falling in love.

When planning a trip with friends, you instinctively check the dates against your partner’s work schedule before confirming—without it feeling like a sacrifice.

4. Romantic Love Doesn’t Camouflage Flaws

Genuine love sees the whole gallery of your chosen one’s personality traits.

As we all know, infatuation often paints a flattering portrait. However, when you develop something known as integrated perception (being able to hold complex, sometimes contradictory views of someone)—and still choose them—this is how you know you’re in love.

You know your partner, for example, gets cranky when hungry, or leaves half-empty coffee mugs around the house. You don’t overlook or romanticize this, but you hold it alongside the fact that they also make you laugh when you need it most.

5. You Feel Safe Enough to Be Vulnerable

Every healthy, deeper connection comes with a sense of safety, not just passion.

In the early days, love might feel like freefall. But as you build a relationship history, the right person earns your trust. When you can share your scars, your big dreams, and even your insecurities, and know you’ll be met with care, that’s the true idea of lasting love.

You open up about a past mistake or a forward-thinking business idea, and instead of pulling away, your partner leans in and reminds you how much you matter.

6. Conflicts Happen, But You Repair

Disagreements are a part of romantic relationships. If you feel ready to repair your relationship, you are likely falling in love.

Apologizing, making amends, or making an effort to speak your partner’s love language show that you’re interested in this person and your future together.

After a spat, you still don’t forget to grab your partner that snack they like. Repair begins in small gestures, not just big apologies.

7. The Future is Pictured in Practical Terms

Thinking of “where” and “how” rather than only “forever” is telling.

Imagining everlasting happiness together is a hallmark of a relationship’s first days. Yet, how to know if you’re in love? When you build your life narrative around your imagined futures, that’s when your emotions grow bigger than desire.

Instead of only daydreaming about “growing old together,” you’re also casually debating whether a city apartment or a small house with a garden would suit you both better. Shared values form the basis of your relationship.

8. Growth is Encouraged

When you want to make your partner a better person (and vice versa), it is a sign of lasting love.

The most important aspect of a healthy, secure attachment is support for personal development. A partner should be a best friend and a personal cheerleader.

They cheer you on when you sign up for that night class to realize your dream of becoming a licensed clinical social worker. And you encourage them to make peace with that family member they had a fallout with years ago.

9. Empathy Arrives Quickly and Sincerely

When you notice your loved one’s subtle shifts in mood and feelings, it signals a deep connection.

Genuine love makes you attuned to your partner’s emotional states. It’s easy for you to sense what they’re going through, and this empathy comes with sincerity and selflessness.

You notice the shift in your partner’s voice on the phone before they’ve even said anything. “Tough day?” you ask, and they exhale instead of an answer. You caught it without explanation.

10. Other Attractive People no Longer Look so Attractive

If you wonder how to know if you’re in love, just examine your desire

If you find that you’re not interested in anyone else but your partner, and there’s only them for you, you’ve probably found your special person.

That coworker you once thought was cute? Now they barely register. No one else quite measures up to your special someone.

11. You Can Be Yourself AND a Part of a Couple

A mild, comfortable sense of “we” alongside individuality is a sign you’re in love and not fused with your partner.

Do you find just as much joy in being a part of a couple as in your freedom to also be yourself? Then, chances are that your love involves intimacy and friendship, rather than codependency.

You spend Saturday afternoon separately—one goes hiking, the other stays home reading. Then, you meet up in the evening to share stories. The independence strengthens the bond rather than threatening it.

12. Shared Goals and Non-Negotiables Are Respected

Real love includes honest conversations about what matters most.

Every relationship has areas where compromise works—and areas where it doesn’t. If you’re truly in love, you can openly talk about the big stuff: family, values, future plans, deal-breakers. You don’t dodge these conversations or force the other person into your mold. Instead, you recognize whether your lives genuinely align.

You both admit you want different things when it comes to kids or lifestyle, and instead of twisting yourself to fit, you face the truth together. Mature love respects compatibility as much as chemistry.

13. Doubts Are Faced With Respect, Not Avoidance

Even in true love, questions and uncertainty can surface.

No relationship is free from doubts. What matters is how you handle them. In real love, you don’t bury your concerns or let them fester—you talk them through with honesty and respect. Communication turns doubt into understanding, and the willingness to work through challenges becomes part of the bond.

You admit to feeling unsure about a decision or worried about the future, and instead of shutting down, your partner listens. Together, you find clarity through conversation rather than silence.

What Gets in the Way of Lasting Love

Recognizing the signs of real love is one thing. Living them out in everyday life is another. Even strong couples face challenges, and it helps to understand what can make love harder to sustain.

One of the biggest factors is attachment style—the way you learned to connect and feel safe in relationships. If you have a secure attachment, you’re more likely to build trust and repair conflict. But an anxious style might leave you second-guessing your partner’s feelings, while an avoidant style might make closeness feel overwhelming. These patterns can quietly shape whether a relationship grows into a healthy, long-term relationship or fades despite strong feelings.

Another common barrier is emotional reasoning—when feelings alone drive your decisions. Love can start in a single moment of chemistry, but if every conflict is filtered only through how you feel in that instant, it’s easy to miss the bigger picture. Mature love requires both heart and clarity: balancing passion with perspective.

It’s also important to remember that romantic attraction and sexual attraction don’t always equal lasting love. The “love hormone” rush of dopamine and oxytocin can make you idealize your partner and overlook important differences. But eventually, real life shows up—values, habits, the little “nice things” you do (or don’t do) for each other. If those pieces don’t align, love can feel harder to hold onto.

None of these challenges mean you’re doomed. They just mean that lasting love isn’t automatic—it’s something you nurture. Self-awareness, open communication, and a willingness to grow together can help you turn the initial spark into a lasting bond.

How to Stay in Love

Falling in love often begins with chemistry—the proximate rush of hormones and butterflies. But staying in love is the ultimate part: the ongoing choices that build trust, respect, and joy over time.

One of the simplest ways to nurture that bond is by learning how your partner feels most cared for. The five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts—offer a framework for expressing love in ways that truly land.

Because love doesn’t stay alive by accident. It’s kept alive when you spend time together with intention, when you build everyday habits of kindness and care, and when you keep choosing each other through both laughter and hard conversations. 

That’s how you move beyond infatuation and hold onto the deeper, steadier connection that makes a relationship last.