Has your partner been complaining that they no longer feel loved? Do your arguments now constantly include statements like, "You don't understand me"? Yet, deep inside, you know you love them but can't figure out how to show them that they mean the world to you.
The solution may lie in tapping into their love language.
A love language is how an individual prefers to receive love from their partner. By understanding your partner's love language, you can tailor your actions in a way that meets their needs and desires. In Chapman’s five languages of love, your partner will have one dominant love language. And this is the critical component you need to grasp and learn how to express to them for your relationship to flourish.
In this article, we’ll explore quality time as a love language, how to tell if it's your partner’s love language, and the best and most practical tips to invoke it into your relationship.
What Can Quality Time as a Love Language Bring to Your Relationship?
People who speak quality time as their love language feel loved when their partners make a conscious effort to spend time with them. Quality is the emphasis here. It means no distractions, having meaningful conversations, and “being in the moment” kind of love.
Tapping into quality time as a love language is one of the ways to build a happy and healthy relationship.
Its benefits include:
The Ability to Express Love Clearly
It gets much simpler because you know what to do. Expressing your love in the only way they understand and lets your partner know they matter to you.
Bolsters the Feeling of Being Loved and Valued
While quality time may be your partner's love language, the feeling of being loved and valued is mutual. Your partner feels loved and valued when you spend intentionally meaningful time together, and you feel the same way when it's reciprocated.
Creates Intimacy
Not only does spending quality time meet your partner’s needs, but it also naturally incorporates other love languages like physical touch and acts of service, creating deeper emotional intimacy.
Strengthens Communication
Consistent communication is a big part of the quality time love language. Expressing love as your partner needs it builds and strengthens communication in your relationship.
Did you know that languages of love apply to more than romantic relationships? They can also be used to show appreciation to our family and children, friends and acquaintances, and work colleagues.
How to Tell That Quality Time is Your Partner’s Love Language
Now that you better understand the quality time love language and its benefits, you would naturally want to express it more to your partner. So, the next big question would be, “What signs do you look out for that confirm quality time as your partner’s love language?
Don't fret. Paying attention to these signs can give you all the answers you need.
Signs to Look Out for in an Early Dating Relationship
The Words They Say
A love language inevitably makes us express love in the way we want to receive it. To get the best clues, listen to the words they say after you spend time together. You’ll find expressions like:
- “I enjoy our time together”
- “I hope to see you soon”
- “Can we choose the movie we’ll watch the next time you come over?”
- "Where are we going next?”
- "I like talking to you; I feel like you understand me."
What you notice from these expressions is the anticipation they have to spend more time with you in the future. Well, in the first few months of dating, we all look forward to the meetups, but this need never wanes away for your partner, even a year later.
The Common Complaints
Listen keenly to what your partner complains about. Do they include concerns like these?
- “You keep canceling on me."
- “You're always on your phone."
- “Focus, I am trying to tell you something."
As stated above, you'll realize that they crave undivided attention and your genuine interest in what they have to say, which, if provided, would make them feel special and loved.
Signs to Look for in Long-Term Relationships or Marriage
The Words They Say
For long-term relationships, the words they say that signal how much they appreciate your time together may include:
- “I like how your eyes light up when you look at me."
- “I miss you when you're not around."
- “What do we do on our next date night?”
- “It's never the same when you're not here."
The Complaints They Make
When you’re around the house, look out for what your partner feels is missing in your relationship. Some of the top statements may include:
- “You are gone all the time."
- “You're always busy."
- “You never ask how I am doing."
- “You're always on the phone."
If these statements resurface frequently, you may be showing love to your partner in a language they don't understand. So, what can you do to make them feel loved and valued?
Tips to Speak Love to Your Partner Using Quality Time
Do you want to improve at speaking the love language of quality time? You can master a new love language with a little extra effort and a whole lot of listening.
To give you a head start, we've curated practical things you can do early in dating, long-term relationships, long-distance relationships, and grand gestures for special occasions. Please note that some of these tips may overlap and apply to all the phases of your relationship.
Early Dating Relationship
- Practice Active Listening - No matter what your partner is talking about, listen keenly, respond thoughtfully, and, more importantly, do not start daydreaming.
- Maintain Eye Contact - Good eye contact makes them feel that they are the center of your attention and that you're fully present. The 10-minute sustained eye contact rule is a good place to start.
- Plan Activities Together - Brainstorm your next date night or surprise them with an activity they’ve always wanted to do.
- Avoid canceling plans - Unless you have no other choice, avoid canceling or postponing plans. It may send the wrong signals. When you do have to cancel, communicate in a way that reassures them of your love.
- Add a Touch of Spontaneity - Sometimes, a spontaneous escapade means the most! Send love notes, people-watch at a cafe, set up a virtual date, or play twenty questions. And whenever something exciting pops up, dive into it wholeheartedly.
Grand Gestures for Special Occasions in a New Relationship
- Take them on a weekend road trip.
- Surprise them with concert tickets.
- Make a surprise dinner in a secluded spot.
- Sign up for a couple’s dancing or cooking class.
- Schedule a binge-watching weekend.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship:
- Schedule a specific phone or video call routine and stick to it.
- Dress up and eat dinner together via video chat.
- Create a “watch party” on a streaming service to enjoy movies together in real-time.
- Play an online two-person game or puzzle.
Long-Term Relationship and Marriage
- Start and End the Day Together - Start some days early and have a chat over breakfast before going to work. Likewise, spend some time catching up on the day's events in the evening.
- Be Fully Present - Spending uninterrupted time means the world to them. So, avoid phone or TV distractions or multitasking, as this can be hurtful and bothersome for anyone, but especially for people who have quality time as their primary love language.
- Choose a Special Daily Routine - Maybe it's a morning jog, a kiss or hug before leaving for work, or sharing dinner every night. Choosing a simple activity you can do together daily goes a long way.
- Schedule Regular Date Nights - A date night once a week is quite ideal, but if schedules are too hectic, try to set aside at least one date night a month to enjoy some time away together.
- Be Spontaneous - Plan a quick getaway, put a love note in their work bag, or try something new, like setting up a dinner table on your balcony and stargazing quietly or in endless banter.
- Support Your Partner’s Interests - Your interests probably don't match 100%, but offering genuine support and occasionally participating in what they like to do shows you love and care for them.
Grand Gestures for Special Occasions for Couples Who Have Been Together for a While
- Plan a trip to their favorite place.
- Book a couple's class to learn something new together.
- Do a movie marathon or start a new series together.
- Surprise them with concert or comedy club tickets.
- Cook their favorite dish; bonus points if you cook together.
- Give them a pampering spa day.
- Schedule a photo shoot to commemorate the occasion.
- Take them hiking, camping, or other outdoor adventures.
- Spend the day together with phones in airplane mode.
- Allow them to choose how they would like to spend the day with you.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship or marriage:
- Schedule an uninterrupted call that is longer than usual.
- Make arrangements with a local restaurant in your partner’s area to set up a corner table for them to sit at while you video chat. Ordering flowers or a bottle of wine would make it extra special.
- Allow them to talk to you about mundane details of the day, not just the “big stuff.”
- Create a message for them to play when you’re away.
Need ideas for the perfect gift for someone with the Quality Time language of love? Read this!
Revitalize Your Relationship with the Quality Time Love Language
We feel your pain if you're looking at the lists above and gasping in despair. It may not be your cup of tea, but with a bit of dedication, learning to speak your partner's love language is worth the effort. Think of it as a win-win when your partner is happy and can't get enough of you.
It’s also worth mentioning that knowing love languages is only one of the things that can impact your relationship.
Your personality, for instance, influences your communication style and how you handle conflict, all of which have relationship implications.
As such, you’re always learning new things about your partner and yourself. And this is true whether you’ve just started dating, two years into marriage, or two decades along. What’s important is that you now know the precise love language to express to your partner to ignite an everlasting spark in your relationship.
If you are still not sure whether your partner speaks the language of Quality Time, these articles may help you figure out their true language of love: Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Acts of Service.
Learn More about Love Languages
