The Enneagram is one of the most popular personality theories, which can tell us a lot about our underlying fears, motivations, and desires. Unlike other personality theories, such as the MBTI, it focuses more on personality's emotional component, making it especially relevant when exploring how we express and receive love. Many experts consider the Enneagram to be based upon our inner spiritual health and traits rather than more concrete personality traits.
By gaining insight into our Enneagram type and the complex emotions associated with each personality type, we can better understand why certain languages of love speak to us more profoundly. Your Enneagram can impact your relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.
If the Enneagram gives us a deeper level of understanding of why we act in specific ways, then the Five Love Languages theory developed by Gary Chapman can be seen as an excellent tool for providing insight into how our emotions manifest themselves within relationships.
For example, a deep-seated fear of being unloved, unwanted, or unworthy of love, a typical issue for individual Enneagram personalities, could enormously affect their primary love language. They may be desperate to receive Words of Affirmation to combat these fears or crave Physical Touch to feel emotionally and physically close to the people they care about.
Similarly, someone driven by perfectionism or yearning for an organization may highly value Acts of Service that bring peace into their external environment.
We all want Quality Time with our partners, but do some personality types need it more than others in order to feel loved? Or does Receiving Gifts take on a special meaning?
Now, let's dive deeper into how the various Enneagram types may correlate with five different ways people feel loved and cherished. With this information, we can better understand each type's primary love language and discover new and unique ways to show appreciation for those around us.
And showing appreciation to their partners every day is one of the secrets of happy couples who last!
New to either of these theories?
You may want to read this beginner's guide to the Enneagram or this introduction to Chapman’s Love Languages first.
Enneagram Type 1 Love Languages
Type 1 on the Enneagram, or "The Reformer," is distinguished by a strong moral compass and an unceasing ambition for perfection. Consequently, their approach to love radiates from these traits. Learning how they express it can bring invaluable clarity and intimacy to relationships with them.
Type 1 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 1's deep-seated longing for structure and perfection often reveals itself in their acts of service. Demonstrating love to those close to them, they take pleasure in setting things straight — be it fixing something broken, arranging a shared space, or helping with tasks that bring orderliness and comfort.
Type 1 Receiving Love: Quality Time
Type 1 individuals are passionate about making a positive difference in the world and maintaining high standards of integrity. They appreciate receiving quality time as an expression of love and care, not merely hours spent together but moments filled with meaningful engagement.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 1
Enneagram Type 2 Love Languages
Diving deep into the core of Enneagram Type 2, also known as "The Helper," uncovers a soul motivated to create meaningful, deep connections and aid others. This need for relationship-building makes their approach to love and caring highly intimate. With a heart overflowing with kindness, they are naturally drawn towards helping those around them — a desire that often leaves them wanting recognition in return for all their efforts.
Type 2 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 2s are genuinely generous souls, displaying their love through meaningful gestures that make the lives of those they care for brighter and easier. Whether cooking a delicious meal, lending an attentive listening ear when needed, or offering assistance during trying times, they will do everything to make their partner happier.
Type 2 Receiving Love: Words of Affirmation
A sincere "I recognize and value your hard work" can be profoundly meaningful to Type 2, giving them the sense that they have been seen and appreciated. Making them feel that you really appreciate their assistance, support, and help will go a long way in strengthening your bond. In general, Type 2s don't like receiving gifts, as they may perceive them as too materialistic, and they prefer sincere words to tangible things.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 2
Enneagram Type 3 Love Languages
Type 3 on the Enneagram is often called "The Achiever." A strong need for success and recognition drives them. Their ambition derives from an inner desire to feel valued, and their approach towards love reflects this aim of achieving worthiness. Hence, recognizing their achievements means a lot to these individuals. Type 2s always push themselves harder and harder, no matter if it is a personal or professional life.
Type 3 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 3s are all about achieving their goals, and they often express love for their partners by helping them reach theirs. They might offer a hand on projects or share resources to show they're invested in supporting each other's ambitions. Additionally, Type 3s can provide strategic guidance as another form of expressing affection — ultimately demonstrating how much care and commitment is behind every action.
Type 3 Receiving Love: Words of Affirmation
Acknowledging the accomplishments of Type 3s is vital. They need to hear that their efforts are being recognized and appreciated. Words such as "I'm so proud of what you've accomplished" or "Your dedication paid off big time" really resonate with them, providing an emotional boost and a feeling of being loved.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 3
Enneagram Type 4 Love Languages
Type 4s, known as "The Individualists," are driven by a powerful need to be one-of-a-kind and recognized for their true selves. Their longing is so deep that it can sometimes leave them feeling inadequate. However, when they open up with love, the feelings come through loud and clear — intense yet genuine.
Type 4 Giving Love: Words of Affirmation
Type 4s possess a poetic spirit that they use to express their sincere admiration and affection with meaningful words. Their kind affirmations, which are often creative and thought-provoking, have the power to reach deep into someone's heart and soul.
Type 4 Receiving Love: Words of Affirmation and Quality Time
While everyone's own needs and tastes may differ, two love languages usually stand out as particularly meaningful for many Type 4s: Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Interestingly enough, these two expressions of affection often carry equal weight in satisfying the need for significance and connection that this type desires. This is unsurprising as they crave emotional attentiveness and need to feel safe and secure, and these two love languages help them understand that they are truly valued and loved for their uniqueness.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 4
Enneagram Type 5 Love Languages
Exploring the mysterious depths of Enneagram Type 5, or "The Investigator," unveils a character motivated by an insatiable thirst for knowledge and independence. This individual tends to carefully ration their resources, including emotional energy, to use them efficiently. The analytical mindset, coupled with introspective tendencies, shapes how they approach matters related to love.
Type 5 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 5s are naturally analytical and express their love through problem-solving or offering insights because this personality type belongs to the Head Center. So they manifest their love and affection by sharing knowledge, providing ideas for practical solutions, or helping with tasks requiring deeper thinking — all showing how much they care.
Type 5 Receiving Love: Quality Time
Engaging in meaningful dialogue, interesting conversation, or activities that pique their curiosity is the perfect way to make a Type 5 feel appreciated and understood. Nonetheless, respecting their need for privacy and boundaries while spending time together is essential.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 5
Enneagram Type 6 Love Languages
Exploring the complexities of Enneagram Type 6, otherwise known as "The Loyalist," reveals a person whose primary motivation is to find safety and security. Their loyalty serves them well in most aspects of life but can also lead to heightened anxieties. In matters related to love and relationships, they are driven by their need for trustworthiness, dependability, and partnership from those closest to them.
Type 6 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 6s are motivated by their strong sense of responsibility. They show love for those close to them through practical actions that help ensure safety and comfort. This could range from taking precautionary measures in case of unexpected events, offering assistance with day-to-day tasks, or being reliable during difficult times.
Type 6 Receiving Love: Quality Time
The warm, dependable character of Enneagram Type 6s conceals a desire for genuine connection and understanding. For them, quality time is about more than just being physically present. It's an opportunity to reaffirm trustworthiness and loyalty through meaningful experiences that connect and bring loved ones closer together.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 6
Enneagram Type 7 Love Languages
Known as "The Enthusiast," Enneagram Type 7 is always chasing after new experiences, adventures, and pleasures. Their language of love reflects their craving for life and their fear of missing out on anything. This creates a fascinating blend of excitement, thrill-seeking, impulsiveness, and a strong need to bond with others.
Type 7 Giving Love: Quality Time
Type 7s adore experiencing the thrill of novel adventures with their loved ones, so there is nothing better for them than to spend quality time with a romantic partner. From venturing to unexplored destinations, testing out fresh activities, or simply indulging in spontaneous fun — these lively moments are a cherished present for them.
Type 7 Receiving Love: Quality Time
Type 7s long for undivided attention and special moments of connection. A way to show them love is by providing experiences they can share while also satisfying their desire for adventure and exploration. They constantly seek new experiences, just as a plant needs sunlight.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 7
Enneagram Type 8 Love Languages
Type 8, the Challenger, can be described as having a strong determination and needing to feel strong and in control. Underneath their hard exterior lies an immense vulnerability they try to keep hidden from others. When it comes to love, these individuals seek honest relationships that provide them with security.
Type 8 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 8s are known for their protective nature and often express love through supporting those they care about. From standing up in difficult times or helping with practical matters to offering advice when tough decisions need making — their affection is demonstrated clearly by their actions. That is why acts of service are their top love language.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 8
Type 8 Receiving Love: Quality Time
For the assertive and powerful Enneagram Type 8, "The Challenger," dedicating quality time together is much more than simply being in each other's company. It symbolizes trustworthiness, openness to vulnerability, and mutual respect. Behind their seemingly strong exterior lies a longing for authentic connection, and by spending meaningful time with them, you can tap into their deep reservoir of feelings, passions, and aspirations that often remain shielded from the world.
Enneagram Type 9 Love Languages
Type 9s, known as "The Peacemaker," strive to cultivate inner and outer peace. They long for harmony and a sense of belonging in their lives. When it comes to love, Type 9's focus on forming meaningful connections while avoiding any potential conflict that may arise.
Type 9 Giving Love: Acts of Service
Type 9s are known for their accommodating personalities, and they tend to express love by making life easier and more peaceful for those closest to them. This could involve anticipating needs before they arise, completing tasks that help maintain an atmosphere of tranquillity, or simply being a source of stability during tumultuous moments.
Type 9 Receiving Love: Quality Time
Type 9s cherish the moments of true understanding and connection with another person. Being highly easy-going and passionate about inner peace, they need the space to be free from distractions or disturbances that could disrupt this state of harmony.
Free Member’s Article: Tips for Dating an Enneagram 9
What About Physical Touch and Gifts?
While many across the Enneagram spectrum lean towards Quality Time as a favored method of receiving love and gravitate towards Acts of Service when showing affection, the love languages of Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts can have a strong personal meaning that transcends all types.
The Enneagram's beauty lies in recognizing the complexity and variety that make up human behavior.
For some types, physical touch can be an incredibly meaningful way to express love due to its intimate nature, likewise with gifts as a sign of thoughtfulness. So, until you really know a person, it may be better to use a bit of all five love languages for mutual understanding and harmony in relationships.
Each of us has our own set of experiences, wants, and emotional needs. While there may be similarities, individual preferences ultimately dictate what makes someone feel loved. Your love language is just one way of caring for the people we love. And the Enneagram is just one aspect of our personality that impacts our relationships.
There is also a connection between love languages and your Myers-Briggs personality type and Big 5 personality traits.
Want to learn more about how to show your partner care and affection based on their love language?
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