Somewhere between the first meet-cutes and the countless movie nights, falling in love just kind of happens.
It's fun and exciting, but what follows is the sort of love that requires a bit more effort. The romantic kind. But how do you make it last?
One of the key ingredients to making any relationship last is understanding and respecting your partner's love language. It might sound strange—but it's true: We all have different ways we feel and show love best (one or two of five, to be exact).
And if your partner is a sucker for sweet words and compliments, there is a good chance their love language is Words of Affirmation.
In other words (pardon the pun)—your partner loves to hear how you feel about them! Your words will speak volumes to them even when you don't say, "I love you." The goal is to ensure your partner feels seen, heard, and appreciated.
So if your partner ranks high for Words of Affirmation—how can you show them love besides saying, “I love you?” We’ll tell you in a few.
From what the Words of Affirmation Love Language means to how you can show it and some expert-recommended ideas that will make your partner feel special—we’ve got you covered.
If you're new to love languages, you may want to read this article first.
What It Means To Have Words of Affirmation as a Love Language?
Words of affirmation are exactly what it sounds like—using words to show someone they are loved or appreciated.
It's a love language that revolves around verbal expression, encouraging, motivating, and building up the person you love!
These positive words and phrases don't have to be said directly to the person. It could be a card you leave on their pillow, a text message, or simply telling them how lucky they make you feel.
According to Jennie Marie Battistin, LMFT1, a marriage and family therapist at Hope Therapy Center. "Words of affirmation can be spoken or written words that are supportive and empathic." You should encourage and express positivity and love with your message to make your partner affirmed. "They often acknowledge, identify, and recognize a person’s behavior, contributions, successes, or challenges,” adds Battistin.
People with Words of Affirmation as their love language also appreciate compliments and heart-to-heart chats.
Contrary to misconceptions that this kind of love language is “bad” or “needy," experts agree it’s usually the opposite. Certified sex educator and relationship expert with SexualAlpha and MysteryVibe, Dainis Graveris1, explains, “For these people, words are more important than actions.”
Simply put, people who give and receive love through words of affirmation often pay attention to and care about tiny details that bring a smile to the receiver’s face. For instance, they may remember your favorite color or the kind of coffee you enjoy.
They may also be the first to notice when you’ve been feeling a little down and be able to pick up on the nuances of how you're expressing yourself without saying anything.
In a nutshell, folks whose words of affirmation are their language of love are often sensitive and aware of their surroundings. They know just what to say and when to say it to make others feel better. And, of course, they expect you to do the same for them.
Signs Your Partner’s Love Language is Words of Affirmation
"Words of affirmation is one of the easier love languages to pinpoint," says Battistin. However, there are always tell-tale signs that your partner’s love language is words of affirmation.
For instance, they often shower you with compliments and verbal positive reinforcement—it's almost like music to their ears! They also tend to express themselves verbally by having honest, heartfelt conversations.
And if telling your partner why you love them besides a mere "I love you" turns them into straight-up putty, chances are, this is their preferred love language.
Some other signs might be:
- They remember the smallest details, big and small, and appreciate it if you do the same.
- They can pick up on your moods.
- They are fond of texting or expressing love via social media.
- They are a big fan of writing toasts and love letters.
Examples of Words of Affirmation
While a simple "I love you" is always lovely to hear, there are many more examples of words of affirmation you can say if your partner responds to this kind of love. Here are some to get you started:
- "I appreciate when you..."
- "I couldn't do this without you."
- "I'm so lucky to be with you."
- "I’m so thankful to have you in my life."
- "Thank you for..."
- "You always make me feel so..."
- "I'm grateful for all you do."
- "You make everything better."
- "I feel infinitely grateful to you for accepting me as I am"
Of course, words of affirmation don't only apply to romantic relationships. They can be used in any interpersonal relationship—with your children, relatives and friends, colleagues, or even mentors!
Why Words of Affirmation Matters
Hearing words of affirmation can make a world of difference for a person who cares much about what their partner says. It could be a small gesture that makes them feel loved. After all, a simple compliment or kind gesture can make someone's day!
At the same time, using words of affirmation (in the right way!) can help strengthen communication between you and your partner.
Not to mention, it's an easy way to show your partner how much you appreciate them without being too intrusive or overbearing. You don't have to do anything grand—just a few well-chosen words can make your partner feel like you understand and appreciate them.
In a culture that often undervalues emotional vulnerability, it helps nurture emotional intimacy, where your partner can talk openly about their feelings. Being able to tell how you or your partner feel is essential for a healthy and successful relationship.
Moreover, words of affirmation can significantly improve one's self-esteem. Compliments and expressions of gratitude can boost your partner's self-worth and confidence, encouraging them to continue being their best self.
This can have a positive impact on you, too. In fact, studies have linked giving compliments with a greater sense of well-being for the person giving them.
Relationship Tips for Using Words of Affirmation
Good communication is crucial in any relationship, regardless of whether you speak the same love languages.
It serves as the cornerstone for understanding and connection, meaning that the inability to express feelings and emotions effectively can stifle the progress and growth of a relationship. That's why it's always important to be mindful of your partner's primary love languages and constantly speak them.
With that said, let's explore some tips on speaking this love language to your partner.
1. Be Authentic
Very simply, if you've managed to identify that your partner's love language is "Words of Affirmation," then you know they want your reassurance, validation, and support with your words. And more importantly, they need you to be sincere with what you say.
Remember, it's not solely about pouring out flattering words but choosing your words carefully while searching deep in your heart about why you love and care for your partner. These people have a nose for false platitudes and spot words spoken with an ulterior motive a mile away.
"It can be very easy for partners with words of affirmation as their love language to spot fake compliments and remarks," Graveris explains. "My number one advice is to make sure if you say something to your partner, it comes from your heart." They'll know you're not authentic if you say random things or make stuff up.
2. Be Empathetic
It's also important to be aware of the emotional state your partner is in. Don't just assume they know you care—show them empathy, and do it often.
Think about what it would be like to walk in their shoes and then act like you know how it feels. If they're feeling down or insecure, a thoughtful and well-chosen word may be all they need to feel reassured and heard.
On the flip side, if your partner has had a great day—achieved something notable, or conquered an obstacle—take it upon yourself to show your support and congratulate them. It could be as simple as saying, "I'm proud of you," or "You worked so hard for this; I'm so glad it paid off for you."
3. Be Creative
If you really want to make the most of words of affirmation, think outside the box!
Instead of just saying nice things plainly, you could also write them letters or cards with kind words, share compliments in public, send them meaningful quotes by text, or make a scrapbook to document all the positive moments you've shared.
4. Say “I Love You” Often
With busy schedules, it's easy to forget to say "I love you" throughout the day. But if you remember to make a conscious effort to tell your partner how much you care about them, it can bring immense comfort and reassurance.
And don't just say it when things are going well—say it even when times are tough!
5. Notice the Little Things
Usually, people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation never get tired of compliments from people they care about.
While it's common to feel like you may be running out of things to say, remember that it's not just about the big gestures. Acknowledging the little things they do can make a big difference in how much they feel appreciated and loved.
For example, you could say something like, “I appreciate how you always put away your clothes after changing,” or “I love the way you always make sure to listen when I talk.”
6. Point Out Their Strengths
While it's good to notice the little things, don't forget to recognize their strengths and accomplishments, too. This is especially important when they are feeling down or discouraged. It could be something they do well or an ability that sets them apart from others.
It could be anything—from their creative problem-solving skills to how they easily handle difficult conversations. You don’t need to go overboard with this; just make sure it is meaningful enough for your partner to feel uplifted and appreciated.
7. Know the Words that Speak the Most to Them
Sometimes, the best and most efficient way to communicate with a partner whose language of love is Words of Affirmation is to know the exact words that can really speak to them.
Some may prefer receiving compliments or words of encouragement daily. Others value phrases that acknowledge their efforts and hard work. The key is to carefully tailor your comments or message so they feel personal and well-thought-out. Generic or vague words can come off as insincere and may not convey the depth of your feelings effectively.
Creating a list of affirming phrases can be helpful if you're not typically adept at expressing yourself with words. Pay close attention to what resonates with your partner and jot these down.
Over time, you can customize these phrases to fit specific situations or to express your appreciation for your partner in novel and exciting ways.
8. Give Them a Shout Out
Sometimes, complimenting your partner with words of affirmation in front of others will touch their hearts in many ways. Tell them what makes you proud of them, but be careful not to go overboard and embarrass them.
In other words, don't be stingy with compliments. This is about showing them that your love and appreciation are not just for them but also for those who are around.
9. Send Pep Talks
It's always nice to have someone there to give a pep talk when things get tough. If you notice that your partner needs positive encouragement, don't hesitate to reach out with a supportive message.
Tell them you understand their struggles and urge them to push through—this will mean a lot to your partner if they have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language.
The most important thing is ensuring the message comes from the heart. Be honest with your feelings and let your partner know you believe in them and support them no matter what.
Need ideas for the perfect gift for someone with the Words of Affirmation language of love? Read this!
What if Your Love Language Is Different from Your Partner’s?
It's perfectly normal for couples to have different love languages, which doesn't mean their relationship can't work.
What matters is recognizing each other's primary love languages and how you both give and receive love. "If one person in a relationship (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) communicates love by words of affection/affirmation and the other by acts of service, you may both be showing each other love and not realizing it," marriage, family, and sex therapist, Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT1.
That said, anyone can learn to speak their partner's love language if they're open to changing how they express their love. It's all about recognizing what works for your partner and taking the time to make them feel valued and heard. "Ask your partner what things you can do that meaningfully show them you love them," Battistin says.
Pay attention to what your partner says, and always make it a mission to work as a couple to understand and appreciate each other's love languages. After all, it is the most crucial part of a relationship.
Of the five languages of love, people who prioritize Acts of Service may have the most difficulty communicating love to someone who prioritizes words of affirmation. To them, it’s all about action and doing things to show how much they care, and they may not realize how much a few kind words matter to their partner.
When Chapman talks about using love languages to strengthen relationships, he stresses the point that it’s not about changing your own love language but rather working as a team to understand each other’s language of love better. If your love language is one of the other four—Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, or Gift Giving—sharing our corresponding articles with your partner is a good first step in the right direction!
And, of course, if they haven’t taken the “What is Your Language of Love” quiz yet, that’s a good idea, too!
Making Words of Affirmation a Habit
Perhaps you're not a word-of-affirmation person, but you still want to make your partner feel loved. The best way to start is by making words of encouragement and appreciation a part of your daily routine.
While it might not come naturally, there are different things you can do to make offering words of affirmation a habit.
- Start Small: Begin with simple compliments or words of encouragement. The key here is consistency. A steady stream of small, heartfelt, positive affirmations can sometimes mean more than grand, infrequent gestures.
- Use Reminder Alerts: Set a daily reminder alert on your phone or computer to send your partner a loving message. It could be a simple "I love you" or a specific compliment about something they did that you appreciate.
- Journaling: Keep a journal where you write down things you appreciate about your partner. It's a great resource to draw from when you're striving to verbalize your appreciation.
- Try a Pet Name: Create a term of endearment or pet name for your partner. It can be something silly that you two share and make it part of your everyday conversation. For example, you could say, "Hey, my love," or "Good morning, sweetheart."
- Be yourself: Always say things you feel and mean. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or try to sound like someone else. Your partner will recognize when you're being your genuine self, which matters most.
What to Avoid
People with Words of Affirmation as their love language have a nose for inauthenticity. They are highly sensitive to criticism, and one harsh or negative comment can undo all your progress. Words spoken with good intentions can easily be perceived as mean or hurtful if you’re not careful.
For this reason, it's essential to be mindful of what you say and when you say it. Try not to use words that could come off as passive-aggressive or critical.
Avoid using affirmations to manipulate your partner into doing something for you. Manipulation, accusations, gas-lighting, narcissism, and emotional abuse are like daggers to them.
Also, steer clear of nitpicking or criticism disguised as affirmation. Phrases like "you're not bad" or "good job, but you could have done better" can do more harm than good and communicate the message that your partner is never quite enough.
Here are some other things to avoid if your partner is in the Words of Affirmation camp.
- Avoid overdoing it with generic quotes. Everyone loves a cheesy quote now and then. But try to personalize your affirmations as much as possible. Generic quotes can feel like a shortcut, so it's better to focus on what your partner has done that you appreciate.
- Don't compare. It doesn't matter if someone else did something similar or was "better" than your partner. The goal is to make your partner feel special, not inferior.
- Don't exaggerate. Refrain from going over the top with compliments or praise that might sound too good to be true. It will appear insincere and like hollow flattery if it sounds unrealistic or untrue.
- Don't withhold kind words as a punishment.
- Don't make fun of or tease them too intensely.
- Make sure your words build them up, not tear them down.
- Refrain from being overly critical or condescending. They may interpret this as you implying they are less intelligent or inadequate.
Affirmations Show You Care
Being loved and appreciated is something we all crave, and words of affirmation are a great way to show your partner that you care. But it's important to remember that everyone expresses love differently. Don't be discouraged if your partner isn't as verbal or expressive as you'd like.
Take the time to learn how they express their love and make sure to show them appreciation in return. Small acts of kindness and simple words can go a long way in communicating how much you value them.
As with anything, practice makes perfect, so be intentional about making words of affirmation a habit—both for yourself and for your partner. This is just one of the daily habits that happy couples have to keep their relationship strong!
Learn More about Love Languages
Footnote
1Quotes from Jennie Marie Battistin, Dainis Graveris, and Rachel Wright first appeared in an article, Words of Affirmation Love Language: What It Means and Examples of How to Show It, written by Rachel Varina for Cosmopolitan magazine (December 22, 2022).
