Do you want to learn how to have more friends? It starts with taking steps to become more likable. Uncover the art of genuine connection and charm with actionable tips. Master the secrets to leaving a lasting impact and effortlessly winning hearts in any social setting.
We all have different traits and levels of social skills. But at the end of the day, there aren’t too many of us out there who enjoy being disliked or ignored, or having people be mean to us. After all, the desire to be well-liked and accepted by our peers or community is a natural and innate human need.
But what exactly makes someone likable? Is it their physical appearance, personality or character, confidence, or something else entirely?
Surprisingly, it's not that complex. There's no specific formula or one-size-fits-all approach combining the kindness of Mother Teresa with the insight of Gandhi. Or, the modern era, Taylor Swift or Keanu Reeves, who are truly liked and loved by their fans.
Instead, all it takes is a few simple habits that can incorporated into your daily life to boost your likability. And the best part is these habits are easy to adopt and don't require any drastic changes.
In this article, we'll not only tell you what likable means, but we'll also take you through 9 simple ways to become a more likable person. We'll also briefly touch base on how to have more friends — because who doesn't want more friends?
Without further ado, let's dive in!
What Does Likable Mean?
By definition, being likable, sometimes spelled "likeable" depending on the region, means to have qualities that make you pleasant or agreeable. But it goes beyond just being nice and friendly.
Likability is about making others feel comfortable around you, gaining their trust and respect, and forming genuine connections with people.
Being likable requires a balance of several key qualities: confidence without arrogance, empathy without pity, assertiveness without aggression, and vulnerability without weakness. It's about being genuine and authentic while also being mindful of others' feelings and needs. The most likable people tend to have both emotional intelligence and social intelligence.
In short, likability is a combination of various traits that make someone approachable, relatable, and able to go with the flow.
According to Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author based in North Carolina, humor, self-awareness, and conscientiousness when interacting with others are relatable personality traits that might overlap with likability.
However, it's important to note that our likability is not entirely up to us; thus, measuring it is tricky. It depends on factors such as cultural background, personal experiences, and perception. That's why you'll find that some people may never warm up to you, no matter how likable you are. Or, you may find that someone else's likability can change from one situation to another.
But that doesn't mean you can't become a more likable person. With the right mindset, anyone can work on improving their likability.
9 Simple Tips to Help You Become More Likable
There are plenty of small, everyday things you can do that will make a big difference in your likability. Here are nine tried-and-tested ways to become more likable:
1. Smile More Often and Make Eye Contact
A smile is often considered the universal symbol of friendliness and warmth. And, you don't see too many friendly and approachable people walking around with frowns and scowls on their faces, do you?
Well, your face can say a lot about you, and smiling can send out positive, welcoming vibes to those around you. It's also contagious—when people see someone else smile, they often feel compelled to smile back. So, try to be conscious of your facial expressions and make an effort to smile when the situation warrants.
2. Be an Active Listener
People want to be heard. They want to be listened to. In conversation, rather than getting self-involved to the extent that you miss out on what the other person is saying, actively listen to them.
Pay attention to their words and don't cut off the person mid-sentence to add your own thoughts, or worse—change the topic.
Also, make sure to maintain eye contact and use nonverbal cues like nodding or smiling to show that you're engaged in the conversation. Being an active listener shows that you value others' perspectives and opinions. It's also an opportunity to connect with them.
3. Find Common Ground
We often bond with people who share similar interests. So, when trying to connect with someone new, maybe a new friend, make an effort to find common ground. It could be a hobby, a favorite TV show, or even something as mundane as both of you having the same type of dog.
Whatever it may be, finding common ground can help establish better rapport and make the conversation flow more naturally.
4. Ask Questions
Research shows that people who ask more questions during conversations are perceived as attractive and are better liked by their conversation partners. It also shows that you're responsive.
So, don't be afraid to ask questions and show genuine interest in others. Ask open-ended questions that will encourage conversation rather than closed yes or no questions. It shows that you're invested in the person and what they have to say.
5. Don’t Complain All the Time
Have you ever been around someone who complains about everything? It's draining, isn't it? While it's essential to vent and share our frustrations with others, don't be surprised that constantly complaining can come off as negative and unlikable.
If you want to come across as more likable, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and limit your complaints even if your mood in that moment is dour. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer unless you're ready to make new friends every now and then.
6. Keep Disagreements to a Minimum
We're all entitled to our opinions and beliefs, but you don't have to “play devil’s advocate" or argue about everything. Constantly disagreeing with others is a sign that can make you come off as confrontational and unapproachable.
Instead, try to find common ground or simply agree to disagree. Remember, it's not about being right all the time; it's about maintaining positive relationships.
In other words, people like it when others validate their feelings. So, don't emphasize your disagreement even if the issue is important to you. Try to do it lightly, complimenting their views, and then share your own.
7. Poke Fun, in a Kind, Playful Way
Making people laugh is a surefire way to be more likable — something that the ESFP Personality does perfectly well. Humor can bring down walls and create an instant connection with someone else. Show your sense of humor by poking fun at yourself or the situation, but never at the expense of others.
Being able to laugh at oneself shows that you don't take yourself too seriously and can make others feel more comfortable around you. Laughter is also good for you!
8. Remember Body Language
Nonverbal cues such as your body language mirror your internal state. If your goal is to be perceived as more likable and approachable, uncross those arms and legs.
Look at the person you're speaking to directly, and try not to appear tense or rigid. Relax your body and use open postures to show you're more welcoming.
9. Be Real and Honest
Likable people all have one thing in common — authenticity. They show up as themselves and don't try to be someone they're not. Trying too hard to impress others is a wrong move that can come across as insincere, and people can sense when you're being fake.
Get comfortable in your own skin and always stay real to your honest self. Nobody likes a phony, and it only takes away from your likability.
Becoming Likeable Starts with Self-Reflection
Becoming more likable isn't about changing who you are fundamentally. It's about being aware of your actions, identifying your negative traits, and making small changes to improve your social interactions — leading to a fulfilled life.
Remember, people gravitate towards those who make them feel good and with whom they can connect on a personal level. Just be genuine with your approach, and keep balance in your interactions.
The first step is to reflect — asking the hard questions — and learn where you can use some improvement in your people skills.
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