You must know someone who seems to effortlessly connect with others, always knowing what to say or do. It's as if they possess a special skill that makes them interact with others on a deeper level. That skill is called social intelligence, and it's more valuable than you might realize.
Arguably more valuable than high IQ, social intelligence is not just about being outgoing or charismatic; it's about understanding people, showing empathy, and knowing how to communicate effectively.
Forming strong relationships is essential both in our professional and social lives and determines success in both areas. Since it forms the basis of our ability to be assertive and empathetic with others, social intelligence is highly linked to somatic and emotional intelligence, the two other intelligences that shape human behavior.
Let's learn more about the power of social intelligence and explore how you can use it to influence your professional and personal lives.
Social Intelligence Definition: What Does It Mean to Be Socially Intelligent?
Social intelligence was originally proposed by psychologist Edward Thorndike in 1920 as "the ability to understand and manage men and women and boys and girls, to act wisely in human relations." According to this definition, social intelligence relates to both the practical aspects (ability to respond towards and deal with humans) and the cognitive aspects (understanding people).
This was until the 1980s when Howard Gardner proposed the theory of multiple intelligences, with intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligences being among them. Gardner defines social intelligence as the ability to take advantage of other people's resources. This means you can use other people's knowledge if you can find a way to reach it and use it. So, the best strategy to succeed is to know how to mobilize people around you.
According to Gardner, interpersonal intelligence allows you to sense other people's motives, moods, and other mental states, while intrapersonal is the ability to assess and access one's feelings and use them to guide behavior. Social intelligence is, therefore, closely related to both interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence.
All the researchers of that decade found that social intelligence is different from general human intelligence, and it may be a stronger predictor of human behavior.
Another researcher, Zaccaro, who emerged in the early 1990s, saw human social intelligence in two aspects, namely:
- Social understanding, and
- Situational-appropriate behavior.
He and his associate believed that socially intelligent people are aware of different social situations, including the needs and problems of others (social perceptiveness), and can behave appropriately in various settings (behavioral flexibility).
All these multiple definitions indicate a lack of consensus on what social intelligence entails.
In psychology, however, social intelligence is an essential aspect of human intelligence focused on two key components: social facility and social awareness. Social facility refers to the ability to act accordingly in social situations, while social awareness is being able to understand and empathize with other people's feelings and perspectives.
Components of Social Intelligence
To better understand the social intelligence meaning, it's important to recognize its key components. Social intelligence is a valuable life skill that enables people to interact effectively in various situations. The main components of social intelligence include emotional awareness, empathy, communication skills, social perceptiveness, and relationship management.
Each of these elements plays a crucial role in enhancing our ability to connect with others and navigate social landscapes successfully.
Emotional Awareness
At the core of social intelligence lies emotional awareness—the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions as well as those of others. This involves being attuned to subtle hints, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, which convey underlying feelings and attitudes.
Empathy
Empathy is the cornerstone of social intelligence. It allows individuals to step into another person's shoes and understand their perspective, thoughts, and emotions. It fosters genuine connections and relationships, mutual understanding, and compassionate interactions. It is important to note that people who are extremely empathetic are at a higher risk of empathy fatigue if they don't take care of their mental health.
Communication Skills
Effective communication is a crucial component of social intelligence. It includes both verbal language and nonverbal communication, active listening, clarity of expression, and the capability to adapt one's message to different audiences and contexts.
Social Perceptiveness
Socially intelligent individuals possess keen social perceptiveness, allowing them to interpret social cues and understand the dynamics of a given situation. This includes recognizing social norms, cultural differences, and power dynamics as key aspects of social cognition, as well as accurately assessing the intentions and motivations of others.
Relationship Management
Developing and maintaining meaningful relationships is another key aspect of social intelligence. This involves cultivating trust, mutual respect, and rapport with others, navigating interpersonal dynamics, resolving conflicts, and fostering collaboration and cooperation.
How Are Social and Emotional Intelligence Connected?
Social and emotional intelligence are closely related, complementing and reinforcing each other.
While social intelligence focuses on understanding and navigating social interactions, emotional intelligence deals with recognizing and managing emotions in oneself and others. Together, they form a dynamic duo that helps individuals connect with others authentically, empathize deeply, and navigate the complexities of human relationships with grace and insight.
Emotional intelligence provides the foundation for social intelligence by fostering self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy—the building blocks of effective social interactions. When we understand and manage our emotions, we are better equipped to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and navigate social dynamics confidently and clearly.
Likewise, social intelligence enhances emotional intelligence by providing opportunities for meaningful connection, collaboration, and support, contributing to our overall emotional well-being and resilience.
In essence, social cognition and emotional intelligence training are two sides of the same coin, each essential for navigating the intricacies of the world, human relationships, and thriving in our personal and professional lives.
5 Ways to Tell If You Are Socially Intelligent
So, we know what social intelligence is, but how can you tell if you or someone else is socially intelligent? Socially intelligent individuals possess core traits that make communicating and relating with others easy.
1. Socially Intelligent People Are Active Listeners
Active listening is one of the defining characteristics of socially intelligent individuals. Socially intelligent people don't just listen to respond but pay attention to what someone is saying. This is not about continuously nodding your head when someone is talking. A socially intelligent person is genuinely interested in what other people have to say and listens with the intent to understand and not just to reply. You ask relevant follow-up questions, and your responses show a deeper understanding of the subject.
If you're a person who finds themselves leaning in during conversations and truly taking in what the speaker is saying rather than plotting your next response, you're likely socially intelligent.
2. Socially Intelligent People Have the Ability to Adapt to Different Social Situations
A socially intelligent person can seamlessly blend into different social situations. They can adjust their communication style, behavior, and approach depending on the needs and preferences of others and the context of the interaction.
For example, when participating in a cooking class with friends, which is an informal setting, you embrace a more relaxed and friendly demeanor. You engage with your friends in light-hearted banter, sharing jokes and stories to foster comradeship. On the other hand, when called for a formal meeting with the CEO of your company, you'll adapt to a more professional outlook by dressing in professional attire and arriving early. You will adopt a respectful and reserved demeanor during the meeting, using formal language to speak and addressing people by their titles.
That's what social intelligence entails—adjusting your behavior to match the situation, even though it may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
3. Socially Intelligent People Are Empathetic
Socially intelligent individuals are empathetic and attuned to the emotions of others. They demonstrate genuine concern for others' well-being, show compassion, and are skilled at perspective-taking. You naturally feel other people's pain, excitement, and joy and always put yourself in someone else's shoes.
Being able to connect emotionally with others allows you to forge deep, meaningful relationships.
4. Socially Intelligent People Possess Great Conversation Skills
Have you seen people who can forge conversations on any topic with practically anybody? These individuals possess high social intelligence. They are humorous, tactful in their answers, appropriate, and sincere in their conversations, and remember details about people that make their point of the conversation more meaningful.
5. Socially Intelligent People Are Authentic
Authenticity is the hallmark of social intelligence. This entails being true to yourself, self-confidence, and respecting others. Socially intelligent people are comfortable in their own skin and don't pretend to be someone they're not. You allow people to see who you are, with your flaws. This authenticity helps build trust and cultivate deeper bonds with those around you.
Measuring Social Intelligence: What is Social IQ?
Like the standard intelligence quotient score used to measure IQ, the social intelligence quotient (SQ) measures social intelligence with an average of 100 (similar to the score of someone with an average IQ). A person with a SQ score of 140 or above is considered to have very high social intelligence.
However, unlike the general IQ test, SQ is not fixed, and individuals can alter their SQ by changing their behavior and attitudes in response to their social surroundings. Technically, you can do things to boost your IQ, but the jumps won't be as significant as what learning social skills can do to increase SQ.
SQ can be measured using techniques such as question-and-answer sessions that assess a person's ability to navigate various social situations, comprehend and react to social cues, and effectively manage friendships. High scores signify strong abilities in social problem-solving, empathetic understanding, and acting accordingly in different social settings.
By measuring your SQ, one can get valuable insights into their level of social awareness, which is fundamental to rewarding personal and professional interactions.
Does an IQ Test Measure Social Intelligence?
As mentioned, IQ, or Intelligence Quotient, predominantly measures the human brain's ability to solve problems and use logical reasoning. Therefore, while a high IQ may indicate certain cognitive skills, it doesn’t directly assess social intelligence. This is because social intelligence encompasses interpersonal skills, understanding social cues, and emotional awareness, which IQ tests cannot fully measure, as they primarily focus on the analytical and academic aptitude of the human brain.
Developing Social Skills Improves Social Intelligence
Improving social intelligence begins with honing your social skills. These skills are the building blocks of effective communication, empathy, and understanding. By actively working on your social abilities, you lay the foundation for stronger connections and better interactions in all areas of life.
While some people naturally find it easy to interact with others without any problem, others must work to develop their social skills. To get you started, here are some of the things you can do to improve your social skills.
Practice Active Listening
Apply active listening by focusing completely on the speaker and maintaining eye contact with them, nodding occasionally, and summarizing or paraphrasing what they've said to show understanding. Don't interrupt. Take your time and think about what the other person is saying before responding.
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Communication
Be attentive to your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Always maintain an open and relaxed body posture, make appropriate eye contact, and use facial expressions and gestures to convey interest and empathy.
Remember to read other people's body language, as it can reveal much about their feelings, even without them saying a word. Lack of eye contact or someone looking away frequently while you're speaking may indicate that the person is uninterested in whatever you're saying. It could also mean that they find your behaviors to be annoying.
If you are the person not making eye contact, it could be viewed as low confidence or as a sign of deception.
Practice Empathetic Communication
Cultivate empathy by putting yourself in others' shoes and considering their perspectives and feelings. Communicate with empathy using phrases such as "I understand how you feel" or "That must have been difficult for you."
Being empathetic will help you adjust your actions to others' actions and become considerate of other people's perspectives in your decision-making process.
Have Cultural Competence
Enhance your cultural competence by learning about different cultures, customs, and communication styles. Respect cultural differences and adapt your behavior to show sensitivity and understanding. A socially intelligent individual understands that other people may have different understandings and responses based on their upbringing.
Ask For and Accept Feedback
Seeking feedback from your family, friends, or colleagues about your communication can shed some light on the areas you need to address. Therefore, be sure to gain different perspectives from people in your social environment who will be honest with you and challenge you, use the feedback for growth and development, and express gratitude for constructive criticism.
Conclusion: Embracing and Developing Social Intelligence
Social intelligence best describes the ability to perceive and navigate social situations effectively. Unlike traditional notions of intelligence that focus solely on cognitive abilities, social intelligence illuminates the exciting aspect of human interaction, emphasizing the importance of emotional insight, interpersonal sensitivity, and social perceptiveness.
The importance of social intelligence spans every aspect of our lives, influencing our relationships, professional success, personal growth, and overall well-being. While some people have an innate ability to connect with others, others must learn to be socially intelligent.
Fortunately, the skills connected to social intelligence can be developed and refined over time with dedication, focus, and practice by engaging in a combination of self-awareness training, observation, and personal development initiatives.
Developing social intelligence is a journey that involves various aspects of human intelligence and psychology. The human brain is remarkably adaptable, and through targeted techniques, anyone can enhance their social capabilities. Engaging in meaningful conversations, exploring different communication styles, and understanding the nuances of human interaction are all critical to this development.
Training and practice in social environments help draw inferences from social cues, making it easier to navigate complex social landscapes. By observing and interacting with others, we gather data that informs our understanding of social dynamics, allowing us to apply this knowledge effectively in real-life situations.
Interestingly, the development of socially intelligent machines through artificial intelligence and machine learning mirrors the human quest for social understanding. Research in artificial social intelligence, computer vision, and foundation models aims to create machines that can interpret and respond to social cues like humans. While these technologies are still in development, they highlight the potential for understanding and replicating human social intelligence.
Personal growth in social intelligence is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing process.
As we encounter new social situations and challenges, we continue to refine our abilities. Techniques such as active listening, empathy exercises, and role-playing can enhance our social intelligence. By staying curious and open to learning, we can continually improve our social skills.
Social intelligence is a key aspect of human life, influencing how we connect with others and navigate the world. It is as critical as any other form of intelligence, and its development can lead to a more fulfilling and productive life. Whether through natural inclination or deliberate effort, enhancing our social intelligence allows us to thrive in both personal and professional environments.
Embrace the challenge, explore the nature of human interactions, and commit to continuous self-development. The rewards of being socially intelligent are immense, enriching our lives with deeper connections, improved communication, and a greater understanding of the world around us.
