We all lie, whether it’s to say, “I’m fine, I’m almost there, I was stuck in traffic, you look great, or nothing’s wrong,” when none of that is the case.”
Honesty is always a virtue, but white lies are sometimes necessary. For example, there is only one acceptable answer to your spouse’s question, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” whether it is true or not. Similarly, telling your grandmother you love the sweater she knitted can only be good, even if it is a lie.
But while these examples are safe and harmless (but perhaps a bit annoying), some lies can be serious, leading to emotional and financial ruin. Increasing your truth discernment skills is important to protect yourself from deceit.
Most people believe they are good at detecting lies. They may even think that being a human lie detector is part of their personality. Yes, we are calling out all you INTPs who often swear they can detect a lie in an instant.
But if that were true, people wouldn’t easily get away with lies. According to research, over 82 percent of lies usually go undetected. Perhaps this is because people don’t usually see reasons to distrust one another, so they accept things at face value without scrutinizing them properly.
But even when they try, people are not as effective at detecting lies as they assume.
How can you differentiate an honest person from a dishonest one? Should you trust your gut reactions or instincts?
What conscious responses should you pay attention to? Is there a sign or an unconscious signal that can help you detect lies?
Keep reading to find out!
Lying Versus Truth Telling: Human Communication Research on Liars and Truth Tellers
When communicating, how do you differentiate between someone lying to you and someone telling the truth?
Human communication research helps us understand that it is all about how people think. According to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), our thoughts drive our behavior and emotions. Because liars and truth tellers think differently, their verbal and nonverbal reactions usually differ.
When lying, liars tend to think about how believable the lie is, whether the story makes sense to the average listener, and how to sell the story to the audience.
On the other hand, honest people try to provide as many details as possible to get all the facts across. Because of this, their behavior is ultimately different once you pay attention to the speech patterns, behavioral cues, facial cues, body language cues, and subtle behaviors.
While truth-tellers provide details, have no problem answering yes or no to yes/no questions, maintain a consistent speech rate, and allow the story to sell itself, liars do the opposite by avoiding specific details about the subject matter and elaborating stuff that is remotely related, failing to provide direct yes or no to straightforward questions, and trying to convince you by overselling their story.
How to Detect a Liar on The Spot: 10 Signs of Lying
How do you detect lies when dealing with good liars or average ones? Admittedly, the former’s case features more subtle behaviors and requires even more cognitive complexity to analyze.
What signs do you look out for when you suspect someone is deceiving you or telling you a half-truth?
The good news is most lies are easy to detect if you know the signs.
Judging liars or seeing through deception doesn’t necessarily require much experience in psychological science or a Master’s degree in forensic psychology unless you’re profiling a career criminal or dealing with high-stakes court cases.
When you watch out for the signs and trust your gut, detecting lies isn’t as mentally taxing or cognitively demanding as people think.
Here’s how you know whether someone is telling the truth or not.
1. Note Any Inconsistencies
The first technique of weeding out liars is paying attention to any inconsistencies in their stories. When people lie, they have to tell another lie to cover up the first lie, and so on. It can be hard to keep up, and a liar will soon slip up and make a mistake in the details.
This classic technique is often used in courtrooms and by the police or investigators. It’s hard for liars to keep up with all the lies they’ve told, especially when asked to review their stories.
2. Throw Them Off by Asking for The Unexpected
Sometimes, liars rehearse their story repeatedly, rendering the above technique ineffective. You want to throw them off by asking random questions instead of asking them to repeat words or tell the same story.
With no time to come up with a convincing lie, they might slip up and reveal incriminating details related to the truth.
3. Analyze Body Language
Non-verbal communication is the most underrated form of communication, yet very useful. When most people lie with their mouths, they neglect their body language, forgetting what the rest of the body communicates. You can use this to your advantage to tell if someone is telling the truth.
Here’s a look at some subtle non-verbal cues that reveal deception:
Does the Person Keep Their Body Unusually Rigid?
People usually have their bodies relaxed during an informal and honest conversation.
But if someone lies, they tend to be less relaxed because they’re uncomfortable with their behavior. They might have a stiff pose or tightened muscles that reveal tension or fidget and shift poses because they feel uncomfortable.
Does the Person Cover Their Eyes, Mouth, or Face?
People tend to cover their eyes, mouth, or face when lying. This response is natural when they try to cover up a lie, hold back information, or hide their reaction. This sign is especially true when the person is responding to a question that doesn’t need much reflection.
Does the Person Maintain Eye Contact?
Maintaining eye contact is one way to ensure effective communication.
But liars will either stare or avoid eye contact altogether. They feel guilty or ashamed or want to see if you believe their lie. Liars can’t quite look at the person they are lying to the same way.
4. Mismatched Words and Body Language
Our brains are wired so that verbal and non-verbal cues match, particularly when you’re being truthful. So, disconnection is a tell-tale sign of dishonesty.
For instance, in most cultures, shaking the head up and down means yes, while sideways means no. So, if the person is saying no but shaking their head yes, they’re probably lying.
You also want to watch out for other signs like too much movement. Liars often exhibit gestures that are out of proportion, like waving their hands a lot for emphasis or moving up and down nervously.
5. Breathing Abnormally Heavily
The stress, tension, and anxiety of lying can cause a person to lose their breathing. They may not be gasping for air, but you will notice that they pause a few times during the conversation to catch their breath. And if you look at their upper chest, you’ll see it rising and falling fast.
6. Observe Micro-Facial Expressions
Facial expressions can also tell you if someone is lying. But micro-expressions only last less than a second, requiring you to be a keen observer and understand human behavior.
While micro-facial expressions can be subtle and difficult to spot, you can learn and improve with practice. It’s important to note that these micro-expressions vary from person to person. For example, some people flare their nostrils while others sweat, bite their lips, blink rapidly, or change their facial color.
7. Listen for Vocal Cues
How a person talks is often a good way to detect deception. Researchers found that human beings tend to change the rhythm of their speech and tone when lying. They might start talking slower or faster than usual. A high tone can show deception, while a lower, softer tone can mean someone is holding some truth.
8. Saying Too Much…
Liars always talk too much to seem more convincing. They will offer unnecessary information with complicated explanations, which end up backfiring as small truths begin to unravel down the line.
Say you ask someone where they went last night. Rather than saying they went to the movies, they start a long story about what they were wearing, who they were with, how they were late to the cinema, and so on. All these extra details allow you to catch them in a lie.
9. Not Saying Enough?
On the flip side, liars can also talk less. When asked to go beyond their prepared stories, they will have few to no other details to offer.
Some people tell lies by omission as a form of self-preservation. That way, you can’t accuse them of outright falsehood.
10. How Does the Person Include Themselves in The Narrative?
People who are lying will often start to remove themselves from the story. They avoid words like ‘I’ and ‘me,’ use third person pronouns frequently, or speak about themselves in the third person, like ‘this girl.’ They will also bring up other people more often. All this is an attempt to distance themselves from the lie.
Watch Out for the Signs of Deception
People are usually angry, ashamed, fearful, or sad when lying. They want to hide the truth, so they lie and then feel bad about lying. Somewhere in between, they give away little clues that instantly expose them. To distinguish fact from fiction, you should watch out for unusual tones, nervous gestures, changes in facial expressions, comfort levels, and so on.
Many stereotypical behaviors associated with lying are sometimes accurate, but they are not foolproof and can signify other things. Many people believe that shifting eyes and biting the upper lip signal dishonesty, but another train of thought shows that the eyes may shift when someone processes a long-term memory.
When you rely too much on stereotypical behaviors instead of your gut reactions or instincts, you may lose the ability to detect deception accurately.
Understand that all the signs of deceit are not confirmations. Lie detection is a complex technique that requires training. You’ll also need critical thinking, keen observation, an understanding of human behavior, and background knowledge of the person or situation.
