I always joke with my friends, “All this time, I thought I was an introvert—turns out, I just hadn’t met my tribe.”
Before 2024, my daily routine was simple: go to the gym, stop by the market, and head back home. Since I work remotely, this setup suited me just fine. But occasionally, I’d feel a bit lonely and wish for more connection—more laughter.
So, like many people making resolutions to become better versions of themselves, I decided to step out of my comfort zone. My goal? To talk more to the people at my gym. And that, my friends, is how I found friendships I never knew I needed.
Now, we hang out outside the gym and chat even more when we see each other. And honestly, there’s nothing quite like bonding with people who share your interests. I've laughed more in 2024 than ever before, with my extroverted friends passing some of their energy onto me.
What I’m saying is that you can change your personality—but it takes effort, time, and consistency.
Personality changes can happen due to several factors, including age, life experiences, and, in my case, the people you bring into your life. However, personality change isn’t easy. At times, it can feel like an internal conflict, and you might worry about how others will react. It can also make you feel vulnerable and uncertain as you navigate new behaviors and attitudes.
If you’ve ever felt like there’s something you want to change about yourself, know that it’s possible. This article will walk you through a personality makeover—so you won’t have to do it alone.
Can Personality Change? If So, How?
The desire to change aspects of your personality is completely normal. Many people wish they could be different in certain ways—whether it’s staying calm under pressure, being more outgoing, or worrying less about things they can’t control.
Take me, for example. As someone prone to overthinking, I often catch myself ruminating on negative thoughts. I wish I could let things roll off my back instead of stressing over every little detail. I wish I could live more in the moment instead of feeling anxious about everything that could go wrong.
But is real personality change even possible? Or are we all wired to stay the same?
For a long time, many believed it was impossible to change one's personality. Early psychoanalysts, like Sigmund Freud, argued that most traits are set in childhood. But modern research paints a different picture. Studies show that personality naturally shifts over time, with many people becoming more agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable as they age. This is known as the maturity principle of personality development.
That said, making intentional changes to dominant traits isn’t effortless. You probably won’t flip from deep introvert to full-blown extrovert—but you can develop stronger social skills, emotional resilience, and new habits that shape your identity.
With the right approach, you can cultivate a "new personality" that better aligns with your goals and values.
How to Change Your Personality: 9 Strategies to Become the Best Version of Yourself
Science confirms that personality can evolve—but how do you take control of the process? While change doesn’t happen overnight, research-backed strategies can help you actively change personality traits in meaningful ways over time.
Whether you want to become more confident, socially adaptable, or emotionally resilient, the key is consistency. Small, intentional shifts in behavior—repeated over time—lead to lasting transformation.
Here’s how to start making real, lasting personality changes.
1. Set Clear Goals for the Person You Want to Become
I used to think personality was just “who you are,” but the more I reflected, the more I realized—I had never actually defined who I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to be less anxious, more confident, and better at handling challenges, but I had never set clear, actionable goals to get there.
A great way to start is by identifying the traits you want to develop and setting small, measurable steps toward them. Personality tests, like the Big Five or MBTI, can help you pinpoint your strengths and areas for growth. Do you want to be more outgoing? More disciplined? Less reactive? Once you know, write down specific behaviors that align with that goal.
For example, if you want to be more social, your goal could be: “Talk to at least one new person a week.” If you want to be more confident, maybe it’s: “Speak up at least once in every meeting.” Small, intentional actions—repeated consistently—will bring you closer to the version of yourself you want to become.
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2. Challenge Your Self-Beliefs
"I'm just a highly sensitive person." That’s something I used to tell myself to justify why I got upset so easily. But I’ve realized that you become what you believe. If I keep reinforcing that identity, I’ll never change. Instead, I’ve started shifting my mindset: I can control my emotions, and I can choose where I focus my energy.
The boxes we put ourselves in shape how we experience the world. If you believe you’re shy and reserved, you’ll hesitate to start conversations or meet new people. But if you challenge that belief—if you tell yourself, “I can be more outgoing”—you’ll start taking small steps in that direction.
You are not permanently stuck in the version of yourself you’ve always known. The first step to becoming a different person is believing that change is possible.
3. Fake It Till You Make It
Let’s say you’re an introverted teacher who struggles to connect with students. You worry that your personality holds you back from relating to them.
To overcome this, you start acting extroverted in situations that call for it—playing football with your students, showing up to their choir practice, or engaging more in classroom discussions. At first, it may feel unnatural, but over time, these small efforts become second nature.
Your body language can also reinforce this shift (and help you be more likable). Standing tall, maintaining eye contact, and even using power poses—like standing with your shoulders back and hands on your hips—can help trick your brain into feeling more confident. Research suggests that how you hold yourself physically can influence how you feel mentally, making it easier to step into the role you're aiming for.
Positive affirmations are a powerful tool for helping you "fake it until you make it." If you tell yourself, "I am confident in social settings" or "I am capable of connecting with others" and repeat it consistently, your brain starts to believe it. Pairing affirmations with action makes the transition feel even more natural.
Before you know it, you're an introvert who can turn on extroversion when needed. Repetition trains your brain to register these behaviors until they become instinctive.
4. Try Something New
One way to change who you are is to step into experiences you’ve never had before. New activities challenge old patterns, helping you gain insights about yourself, expand your comfort zone, and unlock parts of your personality you didn’t realize were there.
But sometimes, the hardest part is knowing what to try. If you’re unsure, start by thinking about your personality—what excites you, what you wish you were better at, or even what intimidates you. Certain hobbies naturally align with different personality types, so exploring activities that suit your strengths (or push your limits) can be a great starting point.
Whether it’s hiking with strangers, joining a football club, or signing up for a speed-dating event, the key is to pick something completely new—something that forces you to break out of routine and see yourself in a different light.
5. Break Bad Habits and Create New Ones
Your daily habits shape your personality more than you might realize. The way you spend your time—consciously or not—reinforces certain traits and behaviors.
For example, if you scroll through social media late at night and sleep too little, you’ll likely wake up groggy and irritable, which affects your mood and productivity all day. Small habits, repeated consistently, build up over time to define who you are.
One effective way to change your habits is through habit stacking—linking a new habit to something you already do. Want to become more confident? After brushing your teeth, say one positive affirmation in the mirror. Trying to be more social? When grabbing your morning coffee, challenge yourself to make small talk with the barista.
Changing habits isn’t easy, but with small, intentional shifts and consistency, you can create behaviors that align with the person you want to become.
6. Meet New People Who Push You to Be Better
At the start of this journey, I thought I was just an introvert who preferred solitude. But once I started talking to people at my gym, I realized I had been missing out on meaningful connections—and those friendships changed me in ways I didn’t expect.
Who you surround yourself with influences who you become. If you want to grow, seek out people who challenge and inspire you. Spend time with those who encourage you to step outside your comfort zone—whether that means joining a running club, picking up a new hobby, or simply saying yes to more social invitations.
It might feel awkward at first, but relationships shape personality more than we realize. When you're around confident people, you naturally pick up their energy. When you're with ambitious people, you start setting bigger goals. The right social circle can help you become the version of yourself you aspire to be.
7. Prioritize Mental Health and Emotional Well-Being
Sometimes, what we think is just part of our personality is actually a reflection of mental health struggles. Feeling socially awkward or withdrawn? That might not be “just being shy”—it could be social anxiety. Struggling with motivation or feeling “lazy”? It could be depression or burnout. Acting impulsively and making rash decisions? That might be ADHD, not just a personality trait.
Your mental health plays a huge role in how you show up in the world. If you’re battling depression, anxiety, or chronic stress, changing your personality will feel nearly impossible—because your brain and body are in survival mode.
The good news? Addressing your well-being can unlock the changes you want to make. Seeking therapy, practicing mindfulness, or even just adjusting your daily routines can help clear the fog, making it easier to become the person you want to be.
Taking care of your mind is just as important as any personality shift you’re trying to make. Don’t ignore it.
8. Learn from Self-Help Books, Podcasts, Videos, and Online Courses
If you want to change your personality, learning from experts is one of the best ways to do it. But self-improvement isn’t one-size-fits-all—what works for one person might not work for another. Some people absorb information best by reading, while others need something more interactive.
Self-help books are a great place to start, offering deep insights and practical strategies for shifting your mindset. If you want to be more confident, books on assertiveness and communication can teach you how to express yourself clearly. If you’re working on discipline, books on productivity and habit formation can help structure your day.
But if sitting down with a book isn’t your thing—or you just don’t have time—podcasts and audiobooks can fit seamlessly into your routine. I personally love listening to them while working out or commuting. It’s an easy way to absorb new ideas without needing extra time in your day.
For those who learn better visually, videos and online self-improvement courses provide structured, step-by-step guidance. Whether it’s a TED Talk, a YouTube channel on personal growth, or an in-depth online course, these resources can help you apply what you’re learning in a way that sticks.
Whatever medium works best for you, the key is consistency. The more you expose yourself to new ideas and perspectives, the more you’ll naturally start to shift into the person you want to be.
9. Practice Gratitude and Self-Acceptance
Gratitude isn’t just about appreciating what you have—it’s about shifting your mindset toward growth and self-acceptance. You may not be exactly who you want to be yet, but you’re not who you were. Every step forward, no matter how small, is worth acknowledging.
Practicing gratitude daily can help rewire your brain to focus on progress rather than setbacks. Keep a gratitude journal, listing a few things you’re thankful for each day—whether it’s a supportive friend, a moment of personal growth, or simply getting through a tough day. If journaling isn’t your thing, try making it a mental habit—pause throughout your day to recognize something positive.
Pairing gratitude with mindfulness makes it even more powerful. Take a deep breath, be present, and appreciate where you are in your journey. Change takes time, and learning to be grateful for your progress keeps you motivated to keep going.
The more you practice gratitude, the more it will shape your personality—helping you become a more positive, resilient, and self-aware version of yourself.
Can I Really Change My Personality Traits?
Now that we've covered how to change your personality, you might be wondering—which traits can actually change? Are some aspects of personality fixed, or do we have more control than we think?
The Big Five Personality Model (OCEAN) is one of the most widely recognized ways to measure personality traits. Unlike type-based systems (such as the MBTI or Enneagram), the Big Five doesn’t categorize you into a fixed "type." Instead, it looks at personality on a spectrum, meaning that even if you naturally lean one way, you can develop traits from the other side.
Here’s a breakdown of the Big Five traits and how they relate to change:
- Openness to Experience– High scorers are curious, imaginative, and open to new experiences, while low scorers prefer routine and familiarity.
- Can be increased by: Trying new activities, exposing yourself to different perspectives, and seeking out unfamiliar experiences.
- Conscientiousness– High scorers are organized, disciplined, and goal-oriented, while low scorers tend to be more spontaneous and laid-back.
- Can be improved by: Creating structured routines, setting clear goals, and practicing better time management.
- Extraversion– High scorers are outgoing, energetic, and enjoy social interaction, while low scorers prefer solitude and tend to be more reserved.
- Can be adjusted by: Developing social confidence, engaging in small talk, and gradually increasing social exposure.
- Agreeableness– High scorers are empathetic, cooperative, and compassionate, while low scorers are more independent and assertive.
- Can shift by: Practicing active listening, showing appreciation, and considering others’ perspectives more often.
- Neuroticism (Emotional Stability)– High scorers experience more emotional fluctuations and stress, while emotionally stable people are more resilient and calm under pressure.
- Can be reduced by: Practicing mindfulness, working on emotional regulation, and developing stress-management techniques.
Your Big Five traits influence everything from career success to relationships and well-being.
But the key takeaway?
They’re not set in stone. Research suggests that people tend to naturally become more conscientious and emotionally stable over time, and with conscious effort, you can shift your traits in a meaningful way.
Factors That Shape Personality Change
Your own personality isn’t just shaped by genetics—it’s also influenced by life experiences, relationships, and personal growth. Research suggests that 30–60% of personality traits are inherited, but our environment plays a massive role in who we become.
- Upbringing and culture play a huge role—someone raised in a strict environment may learn to suppress emotions, while someone raised with encouragement may develop strong confidence.
- Biological factors also interact with experience. For example, you may be genetically wired to be social due to high dopamine sensitivity (which makes interactions more rewarding), but if you grow up in an environment where socializing is discouraged, you might develop more reserved behaviors instead.
- Major life experiences—like parenthood, career changes, trauma, or exposure to different social circles—can significantly alter how we think and behave.
- Early relationships shape our attachment style, which affects how we connect with others. Someone with an anxious attachment may struggle with trust but can develop a more secure attachment through self-awareness and intentional effort.
- Emotional intelligence (EI)—our ability to understand and manage emotions—plays a huge role in personality development. Unlike fixed traits, EI is a skill that can be improved, making us better communicators, more resilient, and more adaptable in social situations.
This brings us to the next question—what aspects of personality are actually within your control?
What Personality Traits Can You Change?
While some traits are deeply ingrained, many aspects of our mindset, behavior, and emotional responses can shift over time. Here are some of the most commonly changed traits:
- Confidence – Learning to believe in yourself and express your ideas more openly.
- Emotional control – Becoming less reactive and handling stress more effectively.
- Patience – Developing the ability to slow down and tolerate discomfort.
- Resilience – Bouncing back from setbacks and maintaining a positive outlook.
- Optimism – Shifting away from negativity and focusing on possibilities.
- Discipline – Building better habits and staying committed to goals.
- Social skills – Becoming more comfortable in conversations and relationships.
- Anger responses – Learning to control frustration, respond calmly, and handle conflict without overreacting.
While the Big Five traits provide a scientific framework for measuring personality, people actively try to improve these practical, real-life traits. By focusing on small, consistent actions, you can shape these traits and become the version of yourself that aligns with your goals.
Can Personality Test Results Change Over Time?
If you’ve never taken a personality test, it can be a great starting point to get an objective measure of your strengths and areas for improvement. Tests like the Big Five Personality Test, MBTI, or Enneagram can provide insight into your natural tendencies, helping you understand where you might want to grow.
If you have taken one before, retaking it after working on yourself can show how your efforts are paying off. For example:
- Someone who once scored high in neuroticism might see a decrease after practicing emotional regulation techniques.
- An introvert who has actively built social confidence might test as slightly more extroverted than before.
- Even in the Enneagram, which focuses on core motivations, people can shift into healthier expressions of their type as they grow.
Remember, personality tests provide insight, not limits. They help you understand your current tendencies but don’t define who you can become. You can evolve, grow, and refine your personality—without losing what makes you uniquely you.
Take Control of Who You Become
Are you the same person you were five years ago? Probably not. Maybe you've grown more resilient, become more confident, or learned to handle challenges differently.
Change is a natural part of life—but the real power lies in changing with intention.
You don’t have to wait for life to shape you. You can decide who you want to be. Small, deliberate actions can create lasting shifts in personality, whether it’s building confidence, improving emotional control, or moving out of your comfortable place.
The strange thing about change?
It often starts before you even notice it. One day, you push yourself to speak up. The next, it feels normal. And eventually, you become the person you once only imagined yourself to be.
So, ask yourself: What’s one small thing you can do today to move closer to the version of yourself you want to become? Then do it. The future you is waiting.
