Words like shy, introverted, and anxious are often thrown around casually as if they mean the same thing. If you are one of those people who has had these labels placed upon you, it may have caused you to wonder:
"Are you introverted, shy, or socially anxious?"
The goal of this article is to help you (and the people who so easily throw around those labels) to better understand the difference between someone who is shy, someone who is introverted, and someone who is dealing with social anxiety.
Picture this:
It's the last day of work, and your colleagues have planned a get-together to unwind after a hectic week. They want you to be part of the celebration and invite you along. As an introvert who prefers quiet settings over loud ones, you want to turn down the offer. Consider the following responses:
Response #1: Thanks for the invite, but parties aren't my scene. But let me know if you ever want to grab dinner with some friends sometime.
Response #2: Thanks for inviting me, but I'm not much of a party person. I would feel out of place.
Response #3: I'm sorry, but I have to decline. I'm not very good at socializing and dancing. I don't want to embarrass myself.
Did you notice the difference?
At first glance, they all say the same thing: You won't be attending the gathering. But when we take a closer look, we can see that the reasons for declining the invitation differ.
Response 1 indicates an introverted personality; response 2 suggests the person may be shy around others (we don't have enough information yet to know if also introverted).
Whereas in response 3, the fear of being embarrassed hints at the possibility of social anxiety. Again, we don't know whether the person is introverted or extroverted yet.
A person does not have to be an introvert to be shy or socially anxious. Yes, believe it or not, extroverts can be shy, socially anxious, or both.
Additionally, just because someone is introverted does not mean that they are shy or anxious around people. Despite stereotypes, introversion does not equal a lack of confidence — there are many, many successful, confident introverts in the world! For example, tech genius Elon Musk struggled with social anxiety and Asperger's when he was young, and look what he's accomplished!
Introversion, shyness, and social anxiety are often mistaken for each other, but they are not the same. These are three different things that can exist independently of each other — or a person can have them at the same time.
A simple test can tell whether you are introverted, shy, or socially anxious. However, first, you need to understand what these concepts mean.
What Is Introversion? (Hint: Not the Same as Being a Shy Person)
Introversion is a personality trait that describes people who prefer spending time in their internal world over the external world. Unlike extroverts, they draw energy from within rather than from outside themselves.
Introverted people would rather stay home and read a book than go to a party, prefer a small social circle to many friends, and journal instead of venting to their close friends.
Some signs that you are an introvert are:
- You feel tired when you are in large crowds,
- You have lengthy internal monologues,
- You enjoy spending time alone,
- You can't stand small talk, and
- You make friends slowly.
Introversion is a dimension of personality that is measured on many popular personality tests such as the Big Five and the MBTI. The "opposite" of introversion is extroversion, however, it is important to to keep in mind that neither of these traits is better than the other. People who fall in the middle of the spectrum are considered ambiverts. Omniverts — a group that is rarer than the others and often confused with ambiverts — vacillate between introversion and extroversion.
Sadly, as children, many introverts are criticized for who they are, which can result in them developing shyness or social anxiety. When people see this slow to warm up temperament, there's often an automatic label — "Oh, are you shy?"
As a result, shyness can become a learned behavior.
What Is Shyness?
Shyness is that emotion that describes the feelings of fear, nervousness, and self-consciousness you experience when you encounter unfamiliar situations or people. Think of your first time speaking in public, attending a new school, telling someone you like them, or meeting your role model.
Shyness is not restricted to any personality type. You can be a shy introvert or a shy extrovert. Additionally, the intensity of your shyness can vary depending on the situation. For example, you might only be a little nervous and shy about meeting a stranger, but terrified to give a speech at an event.
Some signs that you are a shy person include:
- You blush easily,
- You are anxious about meeting new people,
- You feel shaky in unfamiliar situations,
- You are quiet in large groups,
- You don't like to be the center of attention, and/or
- You have difficulty being assertive.
As you can see, many of these traits could also be associated with an introverted personality. However, unlike introversion, which is part of our personality, shyness is not a fixed trait. A person can learn social skills and positive strategies to help them become more confident and overcome being shy.
We will talk more about the differences further on, but before we do that, we need to define social anxiety.
What Is Social Anxiety?
In some ways, social anxiety can be viewed as extreme shyness—shyness on steroids. It is a mental health condition characterized by a fear of judgment or rejection by others. This fear makes it difficult to function in social gatherings.
People with social anxiety experience physical and psychological discomfort when trying to complete basic social interactions like making a phone call, introducing themselves, or placing an order at a restaurant. They have low self-esteem and a disproportionate fear of negative judgment.
There are many possible causes of social anxiety. You might have inherited it from your relatives who also have anxiety problems, your brain might have a more sensitive fear reaction due to an overactive amygdala, or you might have experienced something that made you feel ashamed or uncomfortable in the past.
Some physical signs of social anxiety include:
- Light-headedness,
- Shaky voice,
- Trembling,
- Increased heart rate, or
- Feeling embarrassed and humiliated.
When social anxiety is severe, it can lead to more serious mental health conditions such as extreme phobias, panic attacks, and depression.
Now that we have some baseline definitions of introversion, shyness, and social anxiety, it's time to turn our attention to learning how to tell the difference between the three.
How to Tell the Difference Between Social Anxiety, Shyness and Introversion
Introverts and socially anxious people share many of the same characteristics, so they are often mistaken for each other. You can take a test to determine whether you are an introverted person or socially anxious.
Alternatively, the following differences can give you a clue:
Introverts Are Born; Social Anxiety Is Made
Introversion is an innate personality trait. Research has found that at least half of the reason for introversion is genetic. You can't change who you are or work at becoming more extroverted. You can develop coping strategies to help you function outside your natural habitat, but your fundamental nature will forever remain unchanged.
Social anxiety, on the other hand, is largely a learned behavior. Yes, some people (those with a family history of anxiety disorders) have a genetic predisposition to it, but nobody is born with social anxiety disorder. For the most part, social anxiety is a product of your environment.
For example, maybe you had strict, authoritarian patients growing up, experienced childhood trauma, or suffered a particularly embarrassing social situation. These experiences may have caused you to wrongly view social interaction as a dangerous, painful experience to avoid at all costs.
Over time, you may have subconsciously reinforced this lesson until you developed full-blown social anxiety. The good news is that what you learn, you can also unlearn, and with a bit of work, you can overwrite those early lessons, improve your self-esteem, and spread your social wings.
And despite popular misconceptions, extroverts can have social anxiety.
Introversion Deals With Energy, Social Anxiety Deals With Fear
Introverts lose energy when interacting with others and need solitude to restore their social stamina. They are not necessarily shy or insecure (although they may be, but that's separate from their personality type). It's in their nature to have a lower threshold for socializing than extroverts, which makes them appear silent and withdrawn by comparison.
Social anxiety, however, is defined by the overwhelming fear of being judged negatively by others. People with social anxiety constantly worry about how others perceive them and may imagine flaws that are either non-existent or insignificant.
There is a distinct difference between the two. Introverts feel drained when they have used up their social energy and decline social invitations because they have had enough. People with social anxiety feel such intense dread and nervousness before social events that they can't even attend them.
Introverts Cherish Alone Time, Socially Anxious People Are Lonely
Loneliness and aloneness are not the same thing.
Introverts can spend hours on their own without feeling lonely. They use their alone time to explore their inner world. When they need social stimulation, they can hang out with friends who share their introverted interests.
Socially anxious and shy people don't have that option. They desire to connect with others but are scared to do so. They feel self-conscious, insecure, and ashamed when they try to make friends, so they often become isolated. Since they are not fulfilling their social needs, they feel lonely.
Because shyness and social anxiety are independent of personality traits of introversion and extroversion, people with either can often feel lonely or alone when they are in a room full of people.
Introversion Is Your Nature, Social Anxiety Is an Obstacle
Your introversion may mean you don't go to every party or have a large social circle, but it doesn't stop you from making good friends or enjoying life. You can still have fun, form deep connections, and live your life. The only difference is that you'll be doing it on your terms.
Social anxiety, however, limits you. It makes you reject invitations to events that you want to attend. It makes you never talk to someone you like and think that everyone is judging you. It interferes with your life and makes you miss out on once-in-a-lifetime experiences.
Introverts Take Things in Stride, Socially Anxious People Are Obsessed with Perfection.
Introverts are okay with making mistakes. They understand they may say something silly, stumble, or mildly embarrass themselves. They accept these things and move on when they happen.
Socially anxious people, however, put pressure on themselves to be perfect. Everything has to be in the right place at the right time. Their tie must be perfectly knotted, their speech perfectly delivered, their expressions perfectly natural. Anything less is a disaster and can cause them to panic.
Ironically, this fixation on perfection makes them more likely to make mistakes. And when these mistakes happen, they can't recover because, in their mind, the whole thing is ruined.
Shyness vs Introversion — Not all Shy People are Introverts
Introversion, shyness, and social anxiety may seem similar to the casual observer. However, if you pay attention to the differences listed above, you can tell them apart.
If you realize you are shy or socially anxious rather than just introverted, the next step is seeking help to overcome it. Therapy is one of the most effective ways to change anxious thoughts and learn to thrive in social events. You can also rely on mindful meditation and positive affirmations to get relief from anxiety.
If you consider yourself to be a shy person — whether introverted or extroverted — learning communication and social skills, along with personal development, can help you feel more confident around people!
