Have you ever wondered why some people get along well with everybody? How can they make friends so easily, even with people you think are complete opposites?
Well, the answer may lie in their personality.
Many factors make up our personalities, and how we handle our emotions is one of them. Research studies have shown that individuals with high emotional stability and low neuroticism are better at establishing and maintaining positive relationships. In contrast, those high in neuroticism are more insecure and less trusting of others, which can ultimately lead to adverse outcomes in their social lives.
But is this true?
Does your level of neuroticism predict your relationship success? And if it does, how can you use this knowledge to your advantage? This article explores these questions, shedding light on the link between neuroticism and emotional stability and how these two personality traits can influence your ability to form healthy and happy relationships.
If you don’t know your emotional stability score yet, take the Big Five personality test to find out.
But First, What Is the Big Five Trait of Neuroticism?
Neuroticism is one of the Big Five personality traits, along with conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, and openness. This trait provides information about how well people handle emotions, which can be a significant factor in successful relationships with others.
Neuroticism is a person's tendency to experience negative emotions, such as anxiety and depression.
In relationships, this trait is characterized by moodiness, worrying, excessive self-doubt, inability to manage urges, difficulties dealing with stress, and a strong reaction to perceived threats. People with high neuroticism are easily aroused and find it challenging to calm themselves down when upset or worried. This concept can also be related to behavioral activation systems or internal processes that drive motivation and behavior.
Like other traits in the Big 5 model, neuroticism exists on a spectrum, ranging from high and low to somewhere in between.
In contrast to high scorers, people with low scores on the neuroticism continuum are likely to adjust their emotions more quickly and experience fewer negative moods. People who fall right dab in the middle experience a balance between the two-spectrum depending on the circumstances.
Generally, these emotions affect how we view our relationships, how we communicate with others, and how satisfied we are at work.
So, what does it mean for close relationships when you have a high or low neuroticism score?
Within the Big 5 model, neuroticism is the only trait where a high score represents the more "negative" characteristics, and a low score reflects things viewed as more desirable. Since this trait measures emotional stability, traces of high neuroticism in close relationships can be detrimental to relationships.
Fortunately, when you understand your personality style, you can utilize coping mechanisms that can assist you in maintaining healthy relationships in the workplace and at home.
How Does High Neuroticism Affect Relationships?
We can all exhibit emotional instability and anxiety when faced with challenging situations. That's normal human behavior. The difference with someone neurotic is that emotional inconsistency and a tendency towards negative extremes is the norm, not the exception.
If you've ever been in a relationship with someone who scores high in neuroticism, there are some tell-tale signs. Or if it's you, you might recognize some of these behaviors in yourself.
- Feelings of sadness and depression on consistent basis
- Difficulty managing stress
- Experiencing moodiness
- Overly self-critical or self-doubting
- Easily stressed or worried
- Lack of resilience and commitment to goals or tasks
- Frustration or impatience when things don't go as planned
Overall, for neurotics, these character traits are bound to show themselves in relationships and can sometimes take a toll on them.
Common Traits of Neurotics in Relationships
Many psychologists have broadly studied how different personality traits affect relationship satisfaction in all aspects of life. Studies show that people with high neuroticism interpret ambiguous cues in whichever relationship more negatively. This behavior is likely due to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Therefore, they may fail to cope actively and negatively reevaluate stressful situations in a relationship.
Moreover, neurotic people are prone to anxiety and worrying; they'll maintain that nature even in their relationships. They're easily distracted, less confident, and less secure about their relationships than their emotionally stable peers. This self-doubt makes forging meaningful family, peer, work, and romantic relationships difficult but not impossible.
Here are some common characteristics a person with high neuroticism may display in relationships with others.
Intense Levels of Annoyance
People with high neuroticism scores can sometimes be regarded as annoying by those around them. This is because they experience positive and negative emotions more intensely than others. Their highs are really high, and their lows are really low. They may be more likely to overreact in situations others deem relatively minor. In addition, these people can get on the nerves of others with their tendency to complain, over-analyze things, and focus on details that may not seem important to others.
Distrust and Jealousy
Another way high neuroticism may affect relationships is by making you more suspicious or jealous of your partner. Neurotics can be more prone to insecurity and anxiety, which may lead them to question a partner's actions or motives constantly. This lack of trust can damage intimacy in a relationship, making your partner feel like they cannot be themselves around you.
Difficulty with Forgiveness
The emotional instability that comes with high levels of neuroticism can make it difficult to forgive others. People with high neuroticism get overwhelmed by strong emotions like anger and sadness, which makes it hard for them to stay calm and rational. Grudges and resentment are common, even if not justified — which can damage the quality of your relationships, as it's challenging to maintain trust when you struggle to forgive and move on.
Increased Feelings of Guilt
Neurotic people have increased feelings of guilt and shame in themselves and others. They're more prone to self-blame and overthinking, making them feel like they're always doing something wrong. They consistently apologize in a way that can be viewed as needy, insecure, or clingy. While they may do this with the best intentions, it can be off-putting to others. This tendency affects relationships and can also harm their mental health and well-being.
Greater Number of Conflicts
Because people on the higher end of the neuroticism spectrum feel emotions so intensely, they may be more prone to conflict. They react emotionally at a faster pace or even lash out at people when they are frustrated. This can strain relationships and make it difficult to resolve conflicts effectively.
Can Neurotic People Make Good Partners?
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, people on this side of the scale often struggle with maintaining relationships. However, positive relationships can bring about positive changes in personality, such as an improved ability to regulate emotions and moods. Even highly neurotic individuals can make good partners if they work on developing some emotional coping skills.
Are you worried that your neurotic personality may strain your relationships? Emotional coping skills can help you to overcome your neurotic tendencies when faced with major or minor life stressors ensuring you live a wholesome life.
Let’s look at some coping mechanisms you can use to better manage emotions in a relationship.
Embrace Change
One of the key ways to manage your neuroticism in relationships is to embrace change. Change can sometimes be uncomfortable, but it's important to remember that it's a normal part of life. If you try to avoid change and resist it at every turn, you will only feel more stressed and anxious. Instead, embrace change — whether that means changing jobs, moving to a new city, or trying out a new hobby — and accept that change is a natural part of life.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
Maintaining a record of things you are grateful for can help you manage your feelings of neuroticism in relationships. This practice can help you appreciate that even if your life isn't perfect, there are still many things for you to be thankful for. Make it a habit to jot down a few things you are grateful for each day, or keep a running list of the things you're thankful for over time.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is another vital tool for managing feelings of neuroticism in relationships. It helps you focus on the present moment and tune out any negative thoughts or feelings that may arise.
Practice Problem-Solving Skills
Being high in neuroticism is characterized by being overly reactive to negative emotions, causing a person to be more prone to experiencing distress and depression. However, practicing problem-solving skills and objectively looking at situations can help minimize these negative feelings and neuroticism. Some problem-solving techniques that may be helpful include breaking down a problem into smaller, more manageable tasks and examining possible solutions.
Embrace Therapy
Another way to combat neuroticism in a relationship is to seek professional help. This can involve working with a therapist or counselor to identify your personality traits and work on strategies for managing unhealthy behavior patterns. Professional help can also include attending group therapy or support groups to share your experiences and learn from others who may face similar issues. Regardless of what type of help you choose, getting support from a professional can be one of the most effective ways to manage neuroticism in your relationship.
Know That Healthy Relationships Are Possible
Overall, high neuroticism has a significant impact on the success of any relationship. Learning and unlearning various coping skills is the best way of maintaining healthy relationships in our social lives. This journey can become cumbersome, but possible.
When people with neurotic personality styles engage in healthy relationships, it has a positive, stabilizing effect on their emotions. But if you don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, how will you know what emotionally healthy behaviors are?
To shine some light, let’s take a look at how individuals on the other end of the neuroticism continuum fare in relationships. There’s a lot for us all to learn from them!
How Does An Emotionally Stable Person Act in Relationships?
Individuals with low levels of neuroticism are generally considered emotionally stable and even-keeled. They're less anxious and emotional in response to stressful situations. They remain calm while facing challenges, making their demeanor impact relationships positively. For instance, they're adaptive beings, therefore, can cope easily with ever-changing circumstances in any relationship. Moreover, they'll reevaluate a stressful situation positively before making a decisive decision.
Even so, people with low neuroticism aren’t immune to relationship issues. Emotional stability is just one factor that has an impact on how we relate to others.
With that being said, let’s take a look at some habits that people with low neuroticism have that influence their relationships.
Genuinely Communicate Their Feelings and Needs to Others
We all have needs we want to be met in our relationships. But some people grew up in environments where expressing their feelings was seen as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. As a result, they may have difficulty communicating their needs and feelings to others.
However, this is not the case for people with low neuroticism. They're more comfortable being upfront and honest about their feelings or wants in a relationship. This can help build strong and lasting connections in their relationships as they will be vulnerable and authentic.
Accept Pain Like They Accept Love
Emotionally stable people value and accept pain just as they love. They understand that pain is an inevitable and necessary part of life. Rather than avoid painful feelings or experiences, they accept them as they come and take a good-natured approach.
Highly Prioritize their Principles Over Their Emotions
Many people need help prioritizing their principles over the short-term emotions of others. However, an emotionally stable person will always put their principles first. While this may feel like an excellent way to make others happy, it can ultimately hurt your relationships. It means you might suppress your feelings or needs to make others happy, leaving you resentful and unhappy in the long run.
Embrace Uncertainty on Important Things
It may sound counter-intuitive, but people on the "emotionally stable" end of the spectrum embrace uncertainty. For example, they are more likely to try something new, even if they don't know the outcome. This is natural for them, as they have low anxiety levels and can handle whatever life throws them. While embracing uncertainty might seem risky or even dangerous to those with high neuroticism, for low-neurotic people, it's just a usual way of living.
Manage the Expectations of Their Partner
Managing expectations is the core benefit of a high level of emotional stability. People with low neuroticism are more confident in creating and maintaining relationships. They have a strong sense of self and trust their judgment, which means they can better manage the expectations of people close to them. This habit gives them more flexibility in their relationships and the ability to be attentive and focused on the needs of others.
Do Emotionally Stable People Make Better Partners?
Many people may wonder whether emotionally stable people make good partners. While there is no definitive answer to this question, it's generally believed that emotionally stable people tend to have healthier relationships. As a group, they're reliable, level-headed, and dependable. In addition, they can usually handle the ups and downs of a relationship maturely, helping them navigate difficult situations with relative ease.
However, this is not to say that all emotionally stable people make good partners; we are unique.
Many other factors come into play when determining whether a person is well-suited for a romantic relationship, such as compatibility and chemistry. When you take the Big 5 assessment, you receive a score for four other personality traits, all of which impact how you interact with others.
Neuroticism is just one of the Big 5 personality trait that impacts relationships. Learn how the traits of Conscientiousness, Openness, Extraversion, and Agreeableness also play a role how you interact with others.
We also encourage you to read our Love Languages articles to learn more about your relationship style.
Learn more about Neuroticism vs. Emotional Stability:
